The deepest mountain in the world. The highest mountains of land. The highest peak of South America

Oxytocin is allocated - hormone of love, friendship and trust, it has a relaxing effect on the muscles and is effective in removing stress. But what if stress and distrust arises due to the fact that communication does not develop? Is it possible to break the vicious circle? Let's figure it out.

Communication failure may be caused by a number of factors. The most common reasons include the following:

Stereotypes. Because of the simplified and summarized opinion, there is no adequate understanding of the situation and participants.
Biased attitude. In this case, we are talking about the categorical denial of any opposite opinions and views.
Hostile attitude towards the opponent. Negative attitude to the person himself does not allow adequate to perceive the situation and information.
No feedback (attention and interest). Interest is a manifestation of subjective importance of information for a person. If something is not important or not clear, it is not interesting.
Ignoring facts. Conclusion based on guesses, intuition, superficial information.
Illogy in speech, unconvincing, incorrect consumption of words or building speech.
Error when choosing tactics and communication strategy.

Message strategies

The choice of strategy depends on the situation. Total 3 options for communication are possible:

Monologic - dialogic.
Role-playing is personal, that is, communication on social roles and "souls".
Open and closed. The first species implies a full expression of its point of view and adopting someone else's exchange of similar, but identical information. With a closed communication, a person cannot or does not want to fully express his position. Closed communication is used in and with a pronounced difference levels of competence of the parties.

Barriers in communication

Probably, you decided that you do not know how to communicate with people after faced with any barrier in communication. And they, by the way, are inevitable. But that it can not but rejoice, easily overcoming. I propose to get acquainted with them.

Barriers of understanding

Phonetic

Monophonic, too fast or "contaminated".

Stylistic

Mind of speech style situation or partner state.

Semantic

Different interpretation of words of words partners.

Logical

Neon understanding of the logic of the opponent.

Barrier of socio-cultural differences

It is characterized by various interpretation of concepts and situations due to differences in religious, political, social or professional views.

Barrier relationship

Difference or unaccepting information due to a negative attitude towards the informant, that is, biased attitude.

Difficulties in informal communication

In addition to general communication barriers, it is possible to allocate separate features that make contact with people. Think if you do not suffer from something from the below described.

Social uncertainty. Implies uncertainty in their own forces caused by the perception of their status. For example, when communicating with the boss.
Timidity. It may be provoked by biological or social factors. The personal characteristics (biological) include aggression, slowness, other temperament features. Other reasons for timidity can walk in low self-esteem after transferred stress or injury, social isolation in childhood, unsuccessful personal experience Communications, lack of vocabulary, literacy, oratory skill.
Shyness. Also follows from psychological and social factors.
Inability to establish psychological contact. Defended by lack of psychological literacy, ignorance of people, the inability to see the partner's features.

Causes of inadequate perception of people

Why with some people communication does not develop under any circumstances? Maybe you do not accept the person himself? So, that prevents the interlocutor correctly interferes:

The presentation of the interlocutor has established before the start of personal communication.
Thinking stereotypes, that is, the instantal assignment of a person to any group and finding characteristic features.
Early conclusions when evaluating personality.
Orientation only on your own ideas about a person, ignoring opinions on the part.
The habit of man, the conviction that he "does not know how to" otherwise. "

For adequate perception, it is important to exclude these factors, develop the ability to:

empathy (represent the emotions of others);
identification (put yourself in place of other people);
reflection (assessed how others see you).

Personality with difficulties in communication

Communication problems can be represented as follows. Try to define your type.

Wants but not know how to communicate

Does not want, can't and can not communicate

Caused by autism, neurosis, depression.

Knows how to but can no longer want

Caused by alienation, detachment from society.

Knows how can, but does not want

Caused by self-sufficiency.

Maybe wants but afraid

Caused shyness.

Communicative competence and competence

I think it is necessary to distinguish between the concepts of competence and competence:

Competence is possession of ways to solve communicative tasks.
Competence is a personal characteristic, a set of several competencies, that is, internal resources, knowledge, skills and skills necessary to create and maintain interaction (communication).

Diagnostics of your skills

In the course of communication, people have a strong influence on each other's personality. It is possible that you do not have communication from you for intolerance to criticism, since as a result of communication, the claims and intentions of the parties are always modified, their thoughts, emotions and feelings. I suggest you evaluate yourself as an interlocutor.

I advise you to take a test for communicative competence (author V. E. Levkin) so that you know what you have. I will ask you to most honestly answer 5 questions. Remember that overestimated results are also bad as low. In the first case, you risk inadequately perceive yourself and the world, and in the second - to acquire uncertainty and become passive. So answer honestly for every question in points from 1 to 7 (as far as your every scale is expressed).

The ability to listen and hear, listen and listen, the ability to make listening.
The ability to convey its thought is clear and accurately, on a clear companion, the ability to convince.
The ability to understand and take into account emotions, motives and intentions of people, the ability to motivate.
The ability to communicate to control their emotions, maintain the clarity of the mind and understanding the meaning of actions.
The ability to prevent and solve conflicts to find a way out of pre-conflict situations.

If some ability has received a low estimate, it means that it must be developed. To obtain a general result, multiply all scores and sum up.

15043-16807 points (90-100%) - perfectly.
11682-15042 points (70-89%) - good.
4959-11681 points (30-69%) - satisfactory.
1598-4958 points (10-29%) - weakly.
1-1597 points (1-9%) - very weak.

If you doubt your assessment or want to know how others see you, then ask someone to answer these statements regarding you.

Thus, you received a result of relatively common communicative competence and individual abilities. Now you know your weak and strengths. Time to act!

Aza work on oneself

It should be understood that the lack of communicativeness to change easier, rather than the lack of communicability. The first is the inability to establish contact, that is, ignorance of the basics of the process of communication, strategies, rules. Communicability is the impossibility of establishing contacts due to personal characteristics. From that, I offer you two directions of work:

To enhance communicativeness, it is enough to remember the material of this article and regularly practicing.
For personal changes, it is necessary to establish the causes of failures (permanent, which preceded unsuccessful contacts). After that, to deepen into the study of a particular problem, for example, shyness, aggressiveness, and so on, as well as study the methods of self-regulation for the fact that it is impossible to change, for example, features. In some cases, you may need to visit the psychotherapist.

How to overcome shyness

Shyness is the most popular reason for failures in communication. I want to consider it more.

Do not leave conversations. Whatever discomfort you feel, communicate with different people. Find something interesting and pleasant for yourself.
A popular misconception of shy people: only a smart one needs to say. Allow yourself to say trifling things.
Allow yourself to be a child, but not irresponsible, but immediate, cheerful. Remember how easily children start talking to each other.
Learn to be spontaneous. Tell the jokes and everyday stories.
Help people. Sometimes due to shyness, a person cannot and "thanks" say that it is perceived as arrogance and anger.
Control the face, follow the smile.

Unfortunately (or happiness), overcome the shyness and similarities similar to it only according to the "Wedge Wedge" method.

What to do if people annoy you

Try to find true causes of people's behavior. For example:

The talkative woman is probably alone.
The arrogant man is shy.

Learn to pay attention to the positive features of people, and not petty manifestations.

How to communicate with the opposite sex

Difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex, as a rule, are due to parent scenario and stereotypes. Forget everything "should", let yourself be yourself and make an independent idea of \u200b\u200bthe partner. The basis of the work is to prepare real expectations and requirements for yourself and a partner. What is missing you?

How to be attractive for the interlocutor

Communicative attractiveness, or attraction, consists in the following positions:

Do not skimp on personal appeals (by name or name and patronymic). It subconsciously causes and interest, is regarded as attention and respect.
Do not forget to smile and withstand the "open" face, be friendly.
Do not avoid compliments and praise. Encouraging nice to all people.
Always let's speak out to the interlocutor. If you are not interested in or you have already heard about it, then you still patiently with a friendly face.
Operate knowledge about your interlocutor (zodiac sign, hobby, temperament).

General rules for effective interaction

Talk in your understandable language. If the partner does not understand Slang or professional terminology, then it is not worth going into it.
Show signs of respect and attention (verbal and non-verbal).
Accent attention on the shared sides (religion, profession, gender, hobby).
You are interested in problems, listen to the experiences.

Psychotechnics Communication

Think out a scenario in advance and the possible development of communication.
Create a favorable psychological situation. The optimal option is personal communication on close distance. Do not start the conversation "from a room in a quarry." Ask, for example, as your interlocutor got. Think your appearance (clothes, makeup, image). Your appearance and politeness is the first thing that has or repels the partner.
Stimulate the activity of the interlocutor, give preference to the dialogue, observe speech etiquette.
Pick the behavior according to the situation, but always be careful to the interlocutor. Signs of attention: Easy tilt of the body forward, eyebrows movements, perephrazing words (I understand that ... right? ").
Install the psychological contact at the expense of a gradual convergence (its basis is confidence, interest, honesty, emotional stability); creating "we"; Performances along the conversation of the sink and the slightest requests; compliments, promotions, approval.
Prove your position from the point of view of the partner's interests, and not their own (pre-identify the features of a person on the contrary).
Do not forget about self-regulation (management of your emotions and feelings, thoughts, sensations) and other advice on communication.

If you need to speak in front of the audience

Audience - a group of people, combined with activities and a place. Group psychology, and in particular group perception, differs from individual. For example, for a large group, suggestion, imitation, infection, intensive experience of emotions are characteristic. Is that motives may differ. Someone came for the sake of interest and knowledge, and someone "voluntarily forced" by whose order or request.

Communication with the audience, that is, a lot of people - a special situation requiring their psychological adjustments, if so we can say. It is important to know the methods of maintaining interest, attracting attention, composure, reporting information, no matter what. So, what you need to know and how to behave when communicating with the audience:

The optimal distance is 3-4 meters. Further is regarded as arrogance or insecurity, closer - disruption of space, pressure. Avoid physical touches. But it is worth understanding that these nuances depend on the audience and the topic of conversation.
Hold the pause at the beginning of speech. This is necessary to prepare the audience. At the moment of pause, students will consider you surrounding the environment, that is, they will touch attentive hearing. Together with this, the listeners will become intrigued, and the speaker person himself will have time to calm down.
Avoid monotonous boring speeches and direct calls ("Attention!", "Be, please carefully!").
Keep track of a variety and amount of information, the compliance of the content of the interests of the audience.
If you see that some material "does not enter", then improvise. Always watch the listener's reaction.
How to attract attention? Try to withstand intriguing pauses. Text Build on the principle of "Question-Answer". Create contradictory and controversial arguments.
Use different speech styles, including provocative.
Use interesting expressions, quotes, aphorisms.
Change the tempo of speech and voice timbre.
Use epithets and other speech figures.
Accent attention on theses, summarize the preliminary results.
Already allocate the problem and imagine alternative opinions on it.
Support your eye contact. You can choose 1-2 people from the first rows.
Feed out the character of the discussion, controversy (with themselves or with the audience).
Do not skimp on clarity and gestures (but do not overdo).
Contact the audience ("So, dear listeners, we approached ...").
Try to talk yourself, and not read on a piece of paper.
Pay attention to the beginning of speech. Do not fit the phrase like "I was not specifically prepared, but let's try", "I don't even know how to start," you may not like what I say. " It is better to give preference to such phrases as "if you heard", "you probably don't know yet." However, do not forget about greetings and appeals.
Prefer the pronouncements "We", "You", try not to abuse "I".
Remember that the beginning and end of the information are best remembered. Try the most important points not to include in the middle of the text.
It is important to work on speech literacy. Incorrectly used stylist words or improper pronunciation can cause irritation, ridicule and irony by the audience. And what is even more dangerous - loss of attention. Listeners will follow the speakers and his speech, and not for the content of thought.
No way of attracting attention will save, if the person's personality itself does not cause the arrangement of the audience. First of all, you need to respect the audience, to be sensitive and attentive, friendly. Other moral and ethical qualities of trust and interest include principle, erudition, conviction, self-criticality.

Quality of good speaker

I want to introduce you, dear readers, with the qualities of a good speaker. Possessing these qualities, you can easily communicate with the whole public (group of friends).

Competence in the topic under discussion, erudition, high level of total personality culture.
Conviction in its own activity, pronounced thoughts.
Flexibility, criticality and self-criticality (quality of mind).
Demanding, composure, perseverance (Quality of will).
Stability (to external stimuli), impulsiveness (reaction in the right places on the problem situation), cheerfulness (quality of emotions).
Goodwill, sociability, modesty, tact (qualities of the communicative sphere).
Organizations, dedication, businesslikeness, energy, efficiency (business qualities).

It is important to understand that the same qualities provide different results. Adopting to temperament and character, they form an individual style of communication with the audience.

How to communicate without conflict

Conflicts often happen to communicate with people often. By the way, they can happen for other reasons, but without communicative skills they will not be able to resolve them. How to communicate not to get into conflict? How to react to rudeness and disputes?

Always remember oh, do not make your own emotions.
If you do not manage to restrain, then throw yourself a challenge: "Will I be able to withstand the pressure and the inadequacy of these people?"
Do not be categorical, do not take reckless solutions and do not discard the oncoming sentences to the side.
Accent attention on similar points of view, not excellent. If there are no such, then leave the conversation or continue in a calm form to insist on your own.
Respect another person and yourself. Remember that when you insult you, then the negative also comes to you.
If necessary, or in a convenient case, translate the conversation to another channel, change the topic, stop the first in the "hot" situation.
If we assume that some kind of thought will cause a nervous breakdown from a partner to communicate, then select the most soft wording or refrain at all (if possible).
Do not repeat the same arguments, especially if there is the same denial.
Head to recognize the right of every person to their opinion that may not fit your. Leave behind the opponent the right to remain with her opinion.
Remember that every person, including you, can be wrong. Listen to other points of view in controversial issues, recheck the information, expand the available data.

Always remember that all negative emotions have a negative impact primarily on your body, and then on opponent. On disputes, experience, the enmity is a lot of energy. And emotional tension goes into the muscular voltage of the entire body (psychosomatics).

Principles of secular society

Secular communication has a number of mandatory requirements:

Be polite and tactful, so you support and keep the interest of the other side.
Try to avoid objections and accusations. Express approval and consent.
Be friendly and friendly.
Remember that in a secular society, people rarely express true emotions and feelings.

Principles of business communication

Communication at work has completely different features that it is important to take into account to successfully communicate with colleagues and boss.

Focus on the common thread of the conversation and the main goal, insert themselves according to this (cooperativeness).
Do not be understood, but also do not exaggerate the content and amount of information. Speak strictly in the case (information sufficiency).
Do not do and do not hide the facts (quality of information).
Do not deviate from the topic (feasibility).
Be accurate and specific in statements and arguments (clarity).
Hello listen and allocate the main thoughts from the context (understanding).
Take into account the individual features of the interlocutor, but remember the main goal and the idea of \u200b\u200bthe conversation.

The borders and principles of business communication are usually discussed by the interlocutors in advance.

Afterword

So, it's not difficult to communicate with people and not scary. You only need:

be confident and what you do, say;
respect yourself and others (do not go to personalities);
listen to the opponent and know it, that is, to have a developed empathy;
be critical but not categorical;
always save a friendly attitude (gratitude, greeting, compliments);
have communicative competencies;
get rid of personal "cockroaches".

Remember that the cause of problems in communication is always enclosed in you yourself and only you depends on the overcoming of these obstacles. I wish you forces to solve your difficulties and eradicating unwanted traits. Put personally, and the ability to communicate will come to you yourself!

Literature on the topic

If you are interested in astrology and believe the signs of the zodiac, then I advise you to purchase the book I. O. Motherland, and T. M. Pimenova "How to communicate with this or that zodiac sign to always remain in win?". In the book, each sign is disassembled by thematic blocks: a description of the sign itself ( general characteristics, home behavior and at work, habits and rest, features of children, men and women); Tactics of interaction in a positive key (how to make the subordinate work, establish contact with the boss, build a personal relationship, behave in everyday life in bed) and a negative key (how to provoke and win a scandal, divorce, bypass colleague); Compatibility with other signs. I will immediately make a reservation that I do not welcome the negative recommendation block, but everything happens in life. Maybe you will be useful.
The rest of the readers for expanding the horizons and increasing communicative skills I advise you to read the work of O. G. Ridetsky "Psychology of Communication: Reader". It presents a very extensive material for the theory and practice of communication. Disassemble features of communications on accentuations of characters.
I also recommend you to get acquainted with the book Tarasova "The Art of Communication: For those who want to learn how to skillfully communicate: a workbook." This is a material for practice: self-knowledge and correction yourself. The phenomenon of communication is disassembled by blocks, for example, "acquaintance", "oratorical art". Tests are given to the definition of personal qualities, practical exercises, recommendations.
Another practical guide to enhance communicative skill and the development of the ability to constructively influence people - the book B. Burg "From opponents to the Allies." This is popular science literature, describing in detail each principle of successful interaction.

The psychology of communication is undoubtedly one of the most important spheres of our life. Every day we, in one way or another, interact, get acquainted and speak with people around us. This is a natural process emanating from the nature of a person as the creatures of social.

However, sometimes there are such situations when we are hard to communicate for any reason, especially if it comes to interaction with the opposite sex, dating or maintaining existing relationships. Each person, with rare exceptions, undoubtedly, is desire to communicate, but certain complexes, imposed beliefs prevent him from doing this. This article will reveal the basic principles and tell how to learn to communicate with people.

Is there a way to relax and receive pleasure from it? How to stop being stolen, to overcome the feeling of anxiety and fear of communication, stop worrying on trifles and make your life much more pleasant, thanks to this?

The key role of communicating in a person's life has long been proven by scientists. Our well-being, successful life and relationships directly depends on it.

Before moving towards the fight against fear of communication, it is necessary to identify the very reason for the emergence of this fear and discomfort associated with it. Knowing the root of the problem, the opening of its essence is much easier to solve it.

How not to be afraid to communicate with people

Perhaps the fear of communication lies in your childhood, think, perhaps, you remember some conflict that happened to you, being a child.

Then you did not give it much importance, however, at the subconscious, the negative sediment remained, and now prevents you from developing. In this case, you should consult with a specialist, or pass a number of psychological trainings that will help you overcome the current situation.

There may be other, less depth, reasons, like that:

inability to correctly build connections and relationships
inability to establish contacts
lack of mutual understanding
excessive modesty
your timidity, shyness
excessive restraint and meekness
low self-esteem
complexes about appearance
inability to listen and understand other people
afraid cause displeasure surrounding

In order to overcome this fear, you first need to understand that ...

We will have to recognize the presence of this fear. Often, people wen all their experiences within themselves, which further aggravates the situation, or they themselves cannot accept the problem, denying her day by day. It is best to tell someone about this fear. This is the most common way in psychology, when you share a problem with friends or relatives and it becomes easier for you, you are no longer shaved by these thoughts. The feeling of negative caused by your experiences is coming out with the words. Talk about it more and more and soon, you will already stop understanding what you were so afraid.
Changes in you will not happen in one day. This process can take for a long time, only daily long work on oneself will give fruitful results.
It is necessary to stop thinking about this problem. The more you concentrate on it, the more intractable it seems to you. Relax and enjoy the process.
You need to do what is most afraid. Start communicate, talk to someone, and do it all the time. Increased practice is needed. It is impossible to overcome psychological problems exclusively by reading literature and special articles. To learn to calmly talk to people, defend your position, you need to start acting. Confidence and tranquility in communication directly depend on the acquired practical experience. What it is more, the better. Do not stop.
Remember, if you decide to fight a problem, and at the same time do nothing, it means that you have decided not to do anything.
Fight with you, do not stop at the result, believe in yourself and try to find a person who supports you.
If you are difficult to directly contact people, then start with telephone conversations. Think, perhaps you have long planned to do something, and certain information is not available to you, and you can get it only by calling, for example, in a reference or Internet provider. Start calling, learn the cost and all sorts of details. Write a pre-a list of questions you want to ask, and proceed. Ask about the work schedule, their location, email address, mail, ask to explain how to find them.
Gradually, you will achieve the desired result, the voice will stop trembling, stiffness will pass, and you will no longer need a sheet with questions, you will improvise. So you prepare yourself for the next stage - real communication. For this, as often as possible, talk with unfamiliar people, ask them specific questions or contact them with requests: Learn how to get to the place you need, to which bus is better to sit on, at what stop to go out how to go where to go somewhere where or other organization. In stores, be sure to agree to the consultant's proposal to help you (or come up with questions to the seller). Look for all sorts of reasons for communication on your own, this will serve as an effective development of your imagination and will detect an extra tension at new acquaintances with people.
Try more to read, find out new information Every day, and form your own opinion about certain events. More often, train on loved ones, because when talking with them you feel more relaxed than with unfamiliar people. Tell us about the film that you recently looked or about the book, which I read: What I liked or did not like and why; Your opinion on the main characters; plot; Whether you will review this movie or reread the book, or, perhaps, try other books of the author.

What if you don't want to communicate with me?

There are such situations when we come to a new team or we are invited to spend time in the company, however, contact is not being established, you are moving away from the group, and become a white crow, you are bypassing the party and avoid communicating with you. The reason for this can be the lack of energy, interest in other and life drive, as well as interests, hobbies and their opinions.

If you are confident, then behave as natural as possible and, that is important, keep inner calm.

Do not give it to what is happening much. But do not wait for someone to you and get acquainted. Make the first step yourself, be more initiative, take part in the discussions, do not deny if you are asking for something.

Another problem can be communication with the opposite sex.

Let us turn to the council

How to learn to communicate with guys

Proper communication with the guy will help you build a good prolonged relationship.

Remember, if the conversation went into a dead end, and your interlocutor with you nothing to talk about, then he almost immediately loses interest to you.

To understand how to talk about and what, try to find out what he represents, what does he do, if he has hobbies and that he loves.

Try to be positive and cheerfulSuch people like everyone, they make smiling and forget about their problems. The smile always inspires confidence and has to mutual understanding. In no case do not forget to smile, it will help you avoid tension in a conversation. Never climb hands, do not cross them on the chest, because This gesture on the subconscious is perceived as protection and closure, unwillingness to contact, the desire to protect its comfort zone. Do not be nervous and do not strain, do not bite your lips, it is also a sign of awkwardness. Be yourself.

When talking with a guy, try to choose the themes that he is passionate, try to figure them out, and then go to the discussion.

Of course, it is not necessary to know everything thoroughly. Ask him something on the topic, he will only be nice that his knowledge and opinion you are not indifferent to you.

Do not silent, but if it happens so that you will not be able to answer, then tell me that it is not familiar to you. Thus, you will be able to show your unobtrusion, the guy will understand that you are not so easy to interest. If the guy will ask to tell about himself, do not forget, a couple of the main points about his life and that's it. Recall, when communicating with the guys, it is necessary to emphasize all the attention on them, and not for yourself.

You can talk with a guy to all sorts of topics, based on your mood, but without vulgarities and intimate details, it is unacceptable for the first communication. Try to talk about well-known topics, it is worthwhile to avoid female gossip and discussing other people behind their back.

The most important thing is to keep a relaxed conversation, it will give you to understand exactly the guy is interested.

How to learn to communicate with girls

If you liked the girl, and you do not know where to start to tie a conversation with her, then just smile and greet it. Warm and sincere smile always configures on a positive way when communicating. Try to your smile look warm and sincere. Do this, and no girl will be able to resist such a tempting invitation to meet.

« What should I talk to her?"- Such a question arises at the very moment when you are alone with a pretty girl, a further acquaintance with which you would give you great pleasure.

Ask questions, but at the same time, avoid those that it could answer one-way "yes" or "no". Instead: "Do you like this movie? - "What films do you usually look?" Or "How do you feel about ...?" Give the will of fantasy, find out more about your interlocutor. This advice is really effective if you do not know how to talk to Merchu.

Thanks to these advice, you will learn to enjoy your stay in the company, you will have people to yourself. If you still feel that Robet when communicating with unfamiliar people, remember what we told you today. It's time to overcome your fears.

Video: How to communicate with the most different people?

ATTENTION, only today!

Every day a person interacts with other people through communication. People face each other on their studies, work, various events. Communication plays an important role in human life, helping him to develop, receive certain information, experience. But what if the Barrier of Communications occurs? How to learn to communicate with people?

The reason for which a person cannot start a conversation is called a barrier. Why does he arise?

First, the barrier can act the inability of man and the absence of his desire to listen to his interlocutor. He is trying to start his speech when the opponent still says. Without the ability to listen to a person will not succeed in achieving success in those areas of life, where the main link to achieve a positive result is communicating with people. After all, when the interlocutor is constantly trying to interrupt, inserting some kind of thought, it is very confused and annoying.

Lack of desire to listen is a slightly different problem. In this case, the opponent does not interrupt, but simply shows its full indifference to the conversation. The reason for this can be what a person is not interested in the topic of the conversation or he already has an opinion on the problem under discussion, and he is not going to change it.

At the same time it is necessary to remember that the interlocutor can pretend that he is interested. As a result, it turns out that a person in vain loses time on this conversation. You can check whether the opponent's speech listens. To do this, you just need to ask a question: "What do you think about this?". If a person did not hear the last of what was said, he will not be able to express his opinion.

Secondly, the barrier can act as inability to demonstrate that a person is really interested in the problem under discussion. A conversation is much easier when all participants like the topic of conversation. However, if the interlocutor simply shows an interest, without having it in fact, communication will not make sense. But often the fear of offending a person makes it silent about his indifference to this topic of conversation.
Thirdly, the barrier may be the lack of desire to understand the feelings of his interlocutor. It often happens that man begins to communicate, without paying attention to the mood of the opponent either on what feelings he causes precisely this topic. And it is very important moment In communication.
Fourth, to speak with people the fear of opening in front of them. Usually it is fully manifested when people just met. Not everyone is ready to open his soul to another, because for this it is necessary to be confident in it and completely trust him. Although some people can at the first meeting tell about themselves all that is also not desirable. It is necessary to carefully talk about yourself, choosing that you should tell, and what to keep silent about.
Fifth, to interfere with the beginning of the conversation can be that people often have too different levels of development and education. The easiest people interact with each other, who have almost the same intellectual level. If the interlocutor he has a high, then the opponent tries somehow to please him, take an example from him, to acquire some kind of skill.

Worst of all when one person has a level of intelligence lower than that of another. Then the interest in the conversation will be minimal, there will be no desire to support it. But even from such regularities there are exceptions.
For example, if the interlocutor engaged in mental activity all day, he hardly want to talk to serious topics. Then he can easily support any relaxed conversation, even if the most trifling. Therefore, in this case, the intellectual level of the opponent will not play any role.

Psychology of communication with people

Psychology of communication with people is built on some rules. The famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie managed to form them best. He in the arsenal has excellent and well-known communication books, which were written back in the 1930-40s. On the this moment They remained the same relevant.

It is important to truly interested in other people. After all, each person believes that he is unique, so wishes to be an interesting society. Usually, the interlocutor is more willing to come into talking with the opponent, which is most of all interests interest. At the same time, a small value is paid to what he says.
You must always smile. The smile is the tool that helps to arrange the interlocutor. She demonstrates pleasure from communication.
Do not forget about the name of the opponent, because this is the most pleasant word for any person. In the process of the conversation, you need to call the interlocutor. The name expresses individuality, so many people do not like people when someone calls him wrong.
It is very important to listen to a person. This ability, the opponent shows his attention, interest in conversation. Unfortunately, not all people know how to listen, trying to embry on the conversation faster, expressing their point of view. You must listen carefully to the interlocutor, ask him questions, show your emotions when it is appropriate. If you still remember some successful phrase of the opponent, and then express it in the process of the conversation, then he will be doubly pleasant and there will be no doubt about whether he was heard.
The conversation should be built on what interests both participants in the discussion. Well, if a person can identify or already knows the topic that will definitely be indifferent to the interlocutor. It will help to place a person to themselves.
You always need to show a person what it is significant. At the same time, it is necessary to be solely sincere. This is a very difficult moment in the field of psychology of communication. Opponent can always feel fake interest in it, admiration. Even if people prefer flattery, he still can feel some discomfort. Therefore, those parties who actually seem unique and best should be found in a person who actually seem unique and best.

People who differ in closure are faced with the inability to cross through themselves to utter any phrase to support the conversation. But this skill is necessary to each person also strongly as the ability to write and read. Psychologists have created some recommendations, how to learn to communicate with people.

Well can be accessed on inanimate objects. You can simply talk to your furniture, for example, to tell your desk, as today has passed today and what interesting events took place.

Experts claim that such an exercise actually allows you to learn how to communicate with people correctly, express your thoughts, logically build offers, train your facial expressions and gesticulation. However, for many people, such an idea seems to be delusional. In any case, you can change the furniture on a pet. For example, a dog will always devote all the stories of his master.

Another exercise is praise. When a person comes into talk, he must always try to make compliments to his interlocutors, allocate their special qualities and skills. Many are shy to express their feelings, but everyone knows that people love when they are praised.

It is important to take into account the fact that good words should be sincere, come from the heart. Do not stand specifically, it may noticeably.

Most. better view Exercises, how to communicate with the surrounding people, is direct communication with random opponents. It is necessary to put a goal every day to join a conversation with a stranger. For example, coming to the store for products, you can talk to the seller about the quality of this or that product.

Or when you need to find a specific address, you can ask random passers-by how to go to it. Also entering the room, you can be friendly to greet the concierge, ask about her mood, talk about the weather and so on. Chatting with strangers, it is always important to smile. It has people to each other.

Mimic and gesticulation in communication

Learn to speak right with people - it's not all. It is necessary to purchase the skill of faithful gesticulation and facial expressions. Sometimes the body language speaks more than the words themselves. When the interlocutor says, surrounding people appreciate not only speech, but also location, movement of hands, legs, heads, eyes.

In order for people to listen to speech, you must follow the following rules:

It is important to learn how to look correctly at the interlocutor. Sometimes a person has such a look that the other is getting stuck in the throat and he is afraid of something to say. Therefore, it is necessary to look at the opponent openly, to remove the eyes, constantly show your interest in it. Depending on what topic there is a conversation, the look may be different. Do not watch "eyes in the eye", it creates an additional voltage when communicating. If your interlocutor tries to watch you right in the eyes, you can look in their direction, but not focusing your gaze on them. See how through the person's face.
It is necessary to follow their facial expressions and the faith of your interlocutor. A person always expresses any emotions on his face. You can learn how to recognize the mimic mood of a partner, as well as to express feelings yourself with it.
You need to be able to determine the mood of a person on gestures. If a person crosses his legs, presses the folder to himself, hides his hands in his pockets, then you can say with confidence that he is trying to burn out. Then the conversation is unlikely to work outdoor and interesting from the first minutes.

The posture should be open, gestures smooth and slow, palms are disclosed. It will say that a person is calm and ready for a conversation. Some people who skillfully use psychological techniques often use the "Cooling" method. It is to repeat the gesture or pose of a partner after a small period of time. Such an admission allows people to better reveal.

Communication with surrounding people is an integral part of a person's life. Without this, the development of the personality is impossible. To acquire communication skills, it should be constantly practicing it. Than more man He will talk to people, the faster he will lose all the ones of the shovel barriers that were on his way.

Communication in VKontakte between the guy and the young young young lady often develops into a virtual friendship, a telephone dialogue, and there is already not far to a real date. However, to achieve such progress, it is important.

If you do not know what you can talk about with a girl, what themes to choose for conversation, follow the following advice with experienced network users.

If you do not imagine what to talk about with a girl, first remember what you know about this interlocutor.

Suppose you are already familiar (there are common friends, just a hatching acquaintance, for quite a long time they corresponded), in this case, the dialogue in the VC will be much easier.

You just need to ask the right questions that concern the changes that have occurred since the previous communication.

If you just wish to talk with a woman in contact, carefully examine its page - photos, a community list, downloaded audio and video files. A similar "revision" will tell you the enthusiasm of a potential interlocutor and will help choose a really interesting topics for a conversation with a girl.

If you notice something uniting you - acquaintances, study, hobby - offer to chat on this topic. For the seed, you can lay out a "piece" of your biography, told some interesting case from life.

Do not immediately speak personal themes, because the principle of characteristic of young people is capable of negative by no.

Do not know what to talk about with a girl? Focus on the situation and carefully carefully review all its photographs in contact. Probably, something in the girl will give a hook and help support the conversation began. For example, the photo of the young lady hugging with the cat (find out what his name is), sits on the bank of the river (ask if she can swim when a picture was taken). It's not so difficult to find questions, the main thing is to be attentive to the little things.

Topics for conversation with girls

Your task is to correspond in VK with a young lady so that you are interested in both. To do this, you need to find suitable topics for communication with a girl. The representative of the weak floor is unlikely to make a nomine conversation about cars or near-football news.

With caution, you need to choose questions in which you do not particularly understand, so as not to seem stupid in maiden eyes. Not permissible and argue in the process of discussion of similar themes, it can make your interlocutor.

What questions discuss? The simplest and reasonable solution is to choose for the dialogues so-called eternal themes. They should be stopped in more detail.

Relations. Ask, what men do you like the interlocutor, what she expects from relationships, and what behavior will not tolerate from the guy. Naturally, on the discussion of this topic should not be insteaded if the girl is not ready for excessive frankness. Do not ask vulgar questions.
Cinema and music. Consciously with a girl in contact can be on topical topics such as new cinema, musical works, television series or television shows. From the correspondence you can find out what a lady's favorite actor, film, musician. Then these questions should be seamlessly transferred to the opportunity to go into the cinema.
Hobbies. Another "eternal" topic that will be interested in both the guy and the young lady, is a hobby and sports. Ask how the interlocutor is enjoyed, as spends free time, whether in any sport.
Reading. Now it's not so easy to find in contact, and in real life a girl who would be passionate about the literature. If your interlocutor is an avid bibliotan, discuss what literary genres to her are close, books of what writers he read over the last week. You can show your erudition, including quotes and aphorisms from classic works in a conversation.
Memorable or favorite places. Communicate in contact can also be on the theme of the attractions of the city in which you both live. Discuss Favorite City Places Girls, find out which café she prefers to sit behind a cup of coffee. Then this information can be used when invited to date.
Travel or rest. You can chat with your interlocutor in VC and on the topic of recreation planning in the weekend, travel during holidays or holidays. The guy and the girl can combine the overall love of travel, active recreation or spent vacation in the same place.
Study or work. Questions about training or working moments also belong to the "classic" topics of communication in contact and other social networks. You can ask the interlocutor, as her day passed, so she can feel care from the guy.
Animals. The representatives of weak gender usually adore the conversation about their pets and will be interested in a guy who also shares this interest. Find out the cat girl or a dog, perhaps she holds parrots at home. Most likely, in the pictures in VC, you will see these most favorites.

Naturally, you do not need to correspond on all these topics immediately, choose for dialogues only those questions that are interested in the interlocutor and you. In this case, communication in contact will not seem to the girl interrogation, and will look like a relaxed conversation.

To support the conversation, insert the history of the history about your hobbies and skills, but in such a way that it does not seem boasting.

For example, if the interlocutor is fond of driving on, offer to make it a company or teach it to Veltryuk.

If the conversation went about the read literature, offer to read any book novelty or the continuation of the series that the lady is fond of. The task of the guy in such a situation is to show fantasy and offer your help.

If you swallow well in contact, it's time to talk on a mobile phone. And then the following questions come to the guy: what to talk to the girl by phone, where to find courage to call and how to talk, hearing her voice.

Taking the girl's phone number, take the courage and make a call. At the very beginning of the conversation, make a smooth transition from communication in contact until you decide to call it. Continue the conversation from the moment you stop at the time of correspondence. For example, find out how she got to the house yesterday.

Special topics when communicating on the phone between the guy and the girl does not exist. You can chat on the above examples of topics to discuss something new, which happened during the time until you talked. Perhaps the interlocutor itself will ask questions - serious and not very, and you can switch to a new problem of discussion.

Try to listen to the lady carefully, inserting your emotional comments in the course of the conversation. Be sure to tell me how you liked it to talk to her, as far as she has a pleasant and sexy voice. Vulgar hints at this stage are not quite appropriate.

Rules of communication

Suppose you now know the main topics for communication with the girl in VC or by phone. However, the communication proceeds in a positive key and brought you and the interlocutor only positive emotions, follow the following Communication Rules in contact:

Do not deceive the interlocutor, thinking about yourself non-existent wealth or a successful career, exposing other photos. If you want to communicate not only in VC, but also in real life, the deception will quickly reveal, and the girl most likely will no longer want to correspond with you.
Do not pull the "blanket" of the conversation on yourself, actively advertising your own person. The guy who begins to tell or describe for hours or describe how cool it is, the interlocutor with a 100% share of the probability will consider the self-abandoned and inconspicuous egoist.
If you communicate with the interlocutor as a girl, and not like with a friend, a pian of correspondence, do not discuss other representatives of weak gender with it. The only exception is if you want to compare the interlocutor with any actress (naturally, the lady at least will not give up celebrities).
Do not discuss her former relations with the young young young young lady, if only she does not want to discuss with you former beloved on his own initiative. In general, lead a conversation with an unfamiliar girl on the topic of the ending love romance is considered a bad tone.
Vulgar jokes like not all of the representatives of the weak gender! This is a reinforced concrete rule regarding each guy, which should be remembered once and for all. Perhaps after a while you will go to another level of relationships, and vulgar jokes and jokes will be perceived by the young lady with understanding and even pleasure.
In the course of the conversation, try to ask the so-called open questions that will require an interlocutor of deployed answers. For example, instead of "worked today?" Ask your business day as today. So you can significantly extend and diversify the conversation.

And a few simple recommendations for a guy who does not know how to communicate with cute girls in VK. No need to behave when talking intrusive and defiantly. Milk young ladies like interlocutors who are of interest, and not the desire to complete the conversation. In addition, it is important to find those topics that like you both, because the pleasure of communicating in contact and on the phone should receive both people.

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