The name and height of the highest point on earth. Highest mountains in the world: Seven Peaks. The highest peak in Australia and Oceania - Mount Punchak Jaya

The world is so arranged that some people speak too much, without stopping for a second, while others in society cannot squeeze words out of themselves. What is the reason for this? The inability to express one's thoughts, maintain a conversation and conquer the interlocutors with the filigree style depends primarily on complexes and self-doubt, and not on a lack of intelligence, as many believe. However, to continue to close in oneself, calming the soul with doubtful "I do not like to communicate with people and I will not!" not worth it in any case. Even erudites with a rich inner world, who have read more than one hundred books and are distinguished by remarkable intelligence, may experience difficulties in communication.

The word is one of the strongest weapons of man

The ability to communicate and influence people with the power of words is considered a golden quality. modern man. Without correctly constructed phrases, you will not be able to conclude a contract, make a banal congratulation at a wedding, win a girl's heart, not to mention the fact that many promising professions will not be available to you. In the beginning there was a word, and it will always be.

"Every thought expressed in words is a force whose action is infinite." These are the words of LN Tolstoy, once again proving that one must learn and be able to communicate with people. People who know how to masterfully handle the word are everyone's favorites, all doors are open to them, it is much easier for them to build a career and achieve their goal. Their secret is that they know how to communicate with people, they know where, when and what to say, where to remain silent, and where to argue. However, they do not have any extrasensory abilities and developed intuition. Everyone can master the art of communication - if there is a desire.

Secrets of a fruitful conversation

The basic principle of communication with people is based on the mirror rule: "As you are to others, so they are to you." Your rudeness will cause a negative response, inattention will be paid for in the same coin, and harsh gestures, abrupt speech and the habit of interrupting will make you one of the most unpleasant interlocutors.

So how to communicate with people correctly? The most important ingredients for a good conversation are:

politeness;
interest;
interest;
Attention;
moderate gesticulation;
unhurried and calm speech;
sensitivity and responsiveness;
listening skills.

As you can see, nothing supernatural! There is no need to memorize jokes and long tirades, there is no need to show tricks to be appreciated at its true worth, only elementary politeness - and the interlocutor is supportive of you!

Let's consider 10 basic rules of communication, having mastered which, you will become one of the most pleasant interlocutors.

The smile is another secret weapon in the arsenal of remedies that have a beneficial effect on people. After all, who would like to talk to a person whose face is frozen with a lifeless, detached expression? The same can be said about a person who constantly smiles - he may be mistaken for an abnormal. The main thing in a conversation is to maintain balance. It is polite to smile from time to time, but not laugh out of place, especially at the moment when they tell you about their problems, but also not laugh with force - a fake laugh is noticeable a mile away.

When communicating, try to look the other person in the eyes, while continuing to maintain a polite interest on your face, even when the topic of the conversation is not at all interesting to you. People do not like those who look at the floor or to the side - this indicates either the dishonesty of the interlocutor, or his bad upbringing. Observe these two rules, and soon the problem of how to communicate with people will be irrelevant to you.

Moderate gesticulation

In the psychology of communication, along with a smile, gestures are no less important. Try not to make sudden movements during the conversation and do not fuss, giving the impression of a nervous person. And even more so, do not bang your mobile phone on the table, do not drum with your fingers, do not look at yourself in the mirror and do not paint your lips. At best, the interlocutor will think that you are bored, and at worst, they will form an opinion of you as an ill-mannered and impolite person.

All people, without exception, welcome unhurried, gentle gestures, open postures (no arms crossed on the chest) and palms. At the same time, observe the widespread method of "mirroring": imperceptibly repeat the gestures of the interlocutor and sit in his position. The method works flawlessly - a person on a subconscious level will feel some unity with you, and then sympathy.

I do not know how to communicate with people, or How to start a conversation

Happened to you such situations when you just needed to strike up a conversation, but you did not know how to start it, with what words and on what topic? In such cases, choose any universally secular topic, such as weather, news, work, people around, cars. If you are aware of the interests and hobbies of the interlocutor, the best move is to ask him a question from this area, and then ask him to enlighten you. Communication will be provided to you!

If you are in an unfamiliar society, it is better not to enter into a conversation until you are imbued with the "general spirit" and you do not understand what people are interested in. To do this, simply listen carefully to each speaker. Your position as a listener in combination with aptly directed clarifying remarks will be appreciated, because everyone loves to speak, but only a few can listen.

Don't interrupt

This is perhaps the main principle of any conversation, on which the ability to communicate with people is built. Unnecessary remarks, translation of the conversation into your own person, impatience, not the desire to listen, but the desire to speak out, while brazenly interrupting the speaker, will not be pleasant to anyone. Such behavior will soon scatter your circle of communication, because selfishness, dominance and lack of sensitivity in conversation characterize you as an extremely unpleasant interlocutor.

Listening is what everyone needs

Ask the right questions

However, silently listening to the interlocutor, having contrived not to utter a word for his entire monologue, is also not the best option. Ask him questions from time to time, showing your interest and making it clear that you enjoy talking to him and listening to him. Try not to overdo it with questions, otherwise the conversation will smoothly flow into the interrogation framework. For those who find it difficult to communicate with people, you can begin to deal with complexes from this method. In this case, the questions can be something like: “Yes? Really? And what happened next? Yah! Is it true? What are you? What's next?" At the same time, it is not recommended in a conversation:

criticize the profession of the interlocutor;
unceremoniously interested in his income;
confuse his name;
load it with your problems;
show excessive familiarity (clap on the shoulder, shake, grab a button, etc.);

enter into an argument;
to show their superiority by all means.
to behave arrogantly and arrogantly, according to the principle “I don’t communicate with anyone, but I have condescended to you, so be happy”;
do not admit that they are wrong, even though it is obvious.

Try to communicate with everyone kindly, politely, avoiding slang and familiarity. Do not complain to everyone about your unhappy fate, low-paying job, tyrannical boss, traitorous friends. They will listen to you once, the second time, but on the third they will begin to avoid you, since you have a bad habit of sowing negativity. If you are open, optimistic and responsive in communication, the doors to any society will open before you.

Control negative emotions

How to learn to communicate with people and make long-term acquaintances? To do this, first of all, you should work on yourself, on those qualities of character that prevent you from winning over people.

The ability to communicate with people is a special kind of art that also needs to be worked on. This means that a person should be able to admit his mistakes and try to prevent them in the future, as well as control negative emotions.

Broaden your horizons

So that you are not only an ordinary listener in the eyes of people, but also a person with whom it is pleasant and interesting to talk, actively expand your horizons. Read books, be interested in news, events, people. Agree, a conversation with an erudite interlocutor is much more entertaining than with a person who cannot connect two words. For a fruitful and exciting conversation, not only the rules of behavior are important, but also what you can give to the other side, whether you will be able to understand your interlocutor and keep the conversation on a particular topic. After all, a comprehensively developed person knows how to communicate with people correctly, is able to quickly adapt to a conversation and quickly finds a common language with people.

Speak clearly and clearly

To learn how to communicate - communicate!

Many people, feeling awkward and embarrassed when talking, try not to talk to anyone, thereby further aggravating their situation. A person who avoids communication will never be a good conversationalist! You will only learn to have a casual conversation if there is active communication. Put aside your “I'm afraid to communicate with people” complex and start talking. Nobody demands from you the fiery speech of the leader, the exciting story of the orator, the persuasive monologue of the advertiser, you can start by simply asking questions, talking about familiar topics and listening. Remember, the more you communicate, the faster you will learn the basics of communication. At the same time, you do not need to complicate your life by reading literature on this topic, study hundreds of sources on the Internet and carefully prepare every word. You just need to communicate by regularly training your skills with different people.

Talk to sellers in the market, in the supermarket and boutiques, communicate with colleagues and acquaintances. Every conversation, every new meeting will become a brick in your experience and help build your self-confidence. Record your monologue on video and observe facial expressions, gestures, speech. It will immediately become clear to you what you need to work on and what your advantage is. Exercise and remember that the power of the word is great, multifaceted, and can have a powerful impact on your life.

We hope that we have given comprehensive answers to the question of how to learn to communicate with people.

Secrets of communication - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting interlocutor?

Many people indicate such qualities as communication skills or the ability to communicate with other people as their merits. However, in reality, it often turns out that their opportunities are limited to communication only in a certain company of people close to them (relatives or friends), in front of whom some rules of correctness may not be observed. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and attitudes exclusively with the help of obscene language. At the same time, they can slap each other on the backs, wage a comic fight, laugh loudly and comment on the words of the interlocutors only with the help of short "obscene" words. When such people find themselves in the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become squeezed, cannot say practically anything intelligible. When communicating with persons of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person who attracts them does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to clearly and clearly express their thoughts without resorting to "strong" expressions.

What factors affect the ability to communicate with other people

Often there are situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent interlocutor, suddenly begins to behave a little differently. He can be absent-minded, at times react aggressively to even the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally abandon the intention to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. Insecure people usually take this completely at their own expense and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the interlocutor.

The question arises, what is the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to get distracted from any negative thoughts and conditions. If you yourself or your interlocutor got up on the wrong foot, all his charm can evaporate somewhere. There will be only an irritated grump, which no longer inspires any warm feelings and with whom you simply do not want to be in the same room.

It so happens that the interlocutors do not trust each other and the conversation in the company does not stick well. Just sitting and looking at each other is not interesting, so someone takes the liberty of starting a conversation first. What is he doing? The first step is to get to know the other people sitting around, say your name. A feeling of mistrust arises if the person who started this process recognizes the names of others present, but does not name his own name.

Often the initiative in communication comes from one person

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on topics that are interesting and familiar to other people. Without knowing what others are talking about, you can get screwed up and then spend the rest of the evening angry with yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotions or, on the contrary, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with the person who demonstrates all this. One gets the impression that he is either too "frozen" in terms of expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both sharply reduce the level of trust and the desire to communicate. Feigned emotions, smiles and laughter are out of place - these are clearly not the means that allow you to win other people to yourself and create a favorable atmosphere for communication.

Have you ever seen how people who do not even know each other very well sometimes create interesting situations when they want to communicate? They sit closer, but not so much that from the outside their communication looks too intimate. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person in yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and conduct a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a complete stranger sits down close to you, starts grabbing your hands, patting on the shoulder or annoyingly whispering in your ear ... This behavior usually makes you want to stop communication as soon as possible and run away from your counterpart as quickly and further as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, not even paying attention to the reaction of others. At the same time, he accompanies each of his words with immoderate gestures, annoying gazes, or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires are ripening in the souls of those who are not lucky enough to be around ...

Failed social experiences can make you withdrawn.

Summing up the above, we note that the ability of a person to communicate with others is influenced by such factors as:

the emotional state of the interlocutors;
community of interests of those present;
visual contact and distance between interlocutors;
a sense of self-confidence;
emotional involvement in the communication process;
the ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes cause a slight envy that they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very possibility of approaching someone and starting a conversation with him does not present anything difficult for them. And for others, the very thought of it seems simply frightening: what if this person says something that after his words he just wants to sink into the ground? Or die on the spot?

It is often difficult to start a conversation.

Discard prejudice... Starting communication with another person, you need to abandon any ready-made attitudes and thoughts about him. It is the different "cockroaches" like "what if", "what if", "God forbid" and so on can already in the bud suppress your ability to see a person in front of you. The person, and not the label that you managed to put on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one person is responsible for your load of failures or what you call your failure. You, too, are far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. It is better to pay your attention to the positive qualities of the person with whom you are communicating. As psychotherapists say, there are no shortcomings in a person, but there are peculiar advantages that you need to look at and learn to accept.

Be confident in yourself... An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, we calculate a person with such qualities intuitively. Such a person behaves without unnecessary fuss, chooses words, is not afraid to look the interlocutor in the eyes and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not emphasize his knowledge and competence, expresses himself in the correct language, does not try to crush him with his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he makes a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Maintain eye contact and use feedback... Usually people who are reputed to be good conversationalists know how to listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. At the same time, they occasionally look into the eyes of the interlocutor, but do not use X-ray gazing. Usually, a police gaze usually evokes a desire to escape from such a deep immersion in someone's inner world.

Know how to listen to your interlocutor

Don't decide for your interlocutor how to behave... Often in films on the topic of relations between men and women, such a moment is played up when the cause of conflicts is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his, you about yours. Then each begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason, no one even thinks that everything may be to blame for his own selfishness and wrong expectations in relation to other people. In the sense that a person is more interested in their thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from the immediate environment. It's like in a joke that a man, having gone into the bathroom to wash and shave, left there as a divorced person in just five minutes. And all because the wife asked a question, answered herself, got angry, offended and ... finita la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly... Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some believe that omission and the ability to read between the lines give a special zest to the conversation. Usually, everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what it is about, he begins to experience a feeling of irritation, boredom appears and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about things that are clear and understandable.

Avoid value judgments and ask questions... It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like "Nonsense", "Nonsense" or "You can think of it too!" When an interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he has the impression that the questions that concern him are not interesting to anyone. A sense of his own insignificance and inferiority awakens in him. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bomb a person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is being interrogated with partiality, and will try to interrupt the communication that is difficult for him.

Know how to manage the attention of the interlocutor. An important point, which allows you to win over other people - the ability to manage space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and the interlocutor. For example, if you think that the atmosphere is too high, it makes sense, using an excuse, to leave the person alone with his thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, better with humorous overtones. It is better to switch the interlocutor's attention to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruit. The psychological meaning of this lies in the fact that from a verbal, mental or emotional channel, a person switches to the level of sensations and the tension decreases.

Expand your horizons and vocabulary... A person who knows how to express even the simplest things in a beautiful literary language immediately attracts attention. People begin to reach for him simply out of a desire to communicate and listen. Remember how Dumas described the oldest of the Musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by excellent manners, but also by the ability to maintain a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in falconry.

The most important thing - don't be afraid to communicate! Even if you are not answered the way you wanted, personally, nothing terrible will happen to you. A negative result is also a result that life experience gives. But next time you will know that there are some nuances with which you need to be very careful. Without practice, any skill will atrophy by itself. Including the ability to say something ...

It sounds very simple: say what you mean.
But all too often, despite our best intentions, the true meaning of what is said is lost to our interlocutor. We say one thing and the other person hears something else, resulting in misunderstandings, frustration, and conflict.

By, you can learn to communicate with people and express your thoughts more clearly and clearly for the perception of their interlocutor. Whether you're trying to communicate with your spouse, kids, boss, or coworkers, you can improve communication skills that can dramatically improve rapport with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

The ability to communicate with people is much more important than having talent for success in life.
John Lubbock

What is effective communication?

Communication is more than just the exchange of information. It is about understanding what kind of emotional message and meaning lies in this information. Effective communication is also a two-way interaction. It is important not only how you convey the message in such a way that it is received and understood with the meaning that you put into it, but also how you listen to fully understand the meaning of what was said and make the other person feel heard and understood. ...

Effective communication combines more than just words used in conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including non-verbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, control yourself, communicate with self-confidence, and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of oneself and that of the person with who are you communicating with.

Effective communication is the glue that can help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork, and normalize collaborative decision-making and problem-solving. It even allows you to send negative or unpleasant messages without creating conflict or destroying trust.

Despite the fact that you can learn effective ways of communicating with people, nevertheless, it is more effective to acquire them spontaneously from life experience, and not in the process of acting according to templates. A sight-read speech, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech delivered spontaneously, or at least appears to be so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more you put in the effort and practice, the more instinctive and relaxed your communication skills will become.

It is easiest for me to communicate with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one.
Joan Baez

What you can do to learn how to conduct a conversation with a person correctly:

Take your time - take the time to socialize yourself.
Agree that it's okay to disagree with something.
Make sure you don't hold your breath.
Listen before you say something, even if you disagree with what you are hearing.
Take time out when you're already overly stressed.

Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Stress and out of control emotion

When you get nervous or unable to cope with emotions, you are more likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or intimidating non-verbal signals, and start acting like an unbalanced, mentally ill person. Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of attention

You cannot communicate effectively when you are multitasking. If you are daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else while planning your next line, you will almost certainly miss non-verbal cues when speaking. You should always take your life experiences into account.

Illegal gestures and facial expressions

Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something different, your listener will probably feel that you are being misled. For example, you cannot say yes while shaking your head in denial.

Negative facial expressions

If you disagree with what they are saying or don't like it, you can use negative facial expressions and gestures to express disagreement with the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don't have to agree or even approve of what is said, but communicate effectively without forcing the other person to become defensive. it is very important to avoid sending negative signals.

In communication, all our days pass, but the art of communication is the lot of a few ...
Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov

4 key skills to improve communication

Become an interested listener.
Pay attention to non-verbal cues.
Control yourself.
Be confident in yourself.

Skill 1: Become an Engaged Listener

People often focus on what they have to say, but effective communication is about talking less and listening more. Listening well means understanding not only the words or the information heard, but also the emotions that the speaker is trying to express.

There is a big difference between when you listen carefully and when you just hear information. When you really listen, when you really understand what is being said, you will recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that will tell you how the person is feeling and what emotions they are trying to convey when communicating. When you are an interested listener, you will not only better understand the other person, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building closer and more reliable relationships between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you are talking to is calm, which is expressed, for example, in his attentive listening to your story, you can also become more balanced. Likewise, if the person is worried, you can help them calm down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand the other person and their contact, you will naturally listen to them carefully. If not, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with other people will become.

How do you become an interested listener?

Concentrate all your attention on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal cues from that person. The tone of your voice conveys emotion, so if you are thinking about something of your own, checking a text message, or scribbling on a piece of paper, you will almost certainly miss the non-verbal cues and emotional content of the words spoken. And if the person speaking is behaving in the same distraction, you can quickly notice it. If you find it difficult to focus on the narration of some of the speakers, try repeating their words in your mind to strengthen their message for you and help you stay focused.

Listen with your right ear. On the left side of the brain are the primary processing centers for speech and emotion recognition. Since the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for the right side of the body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker is saying. Try to keep your posture straight, slightly lower your chin down, and turn your right ear towards the speaker - this will help to catch the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what is being said.

Don't interrupt the speaker or try to translate the conversation into your own problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening doesn't mean waiting in line to speak again. If you form in your head what you are about to say next, you cannot concentrate on what the other person is saying. Oftentimes, the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking of something else.

Show interest in what has been said. Nod in approval from time to time, smile at the other person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments such as yes or uh-huh.

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener gets carried away ...

Try not to judge. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you do not have to sympathize with the interlocutors or agree with their ideas, values or opinions. However, in order to fully understand a person, you must avoid judging them and refrain from being rebuked and criticized. If you lead even the most difficult discussion correctly, you can establish contact with someone with whom it seemed very difficult and unlikely to find mutual understanding.

Give feedback. If the thread of the conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. “That I hear this,” or “You seem to be talking,” are great ways to get the conversation back to the right place. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound feigned and unintelligent. Instead, express, as you understand, the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify certain points: "What do you mean when you say ..." or "Is that what you mean?"

Recognize the emotional content of words by training your middle ear muscles

By increasing the muscle tone of the tiny muscles in the middle ear (they are the smallest in the human body), you will be able to recognize the higher frequencies of human speech that convey emotion, and better understand the true meaning of what others are saying. You can develop these tiny muscles not only by fully focusing on what someone is saying; They can be trained by singing, playing wind instruments, and listening to certain types of music (Mozart's high-frequency violin concertos and symphonies, for example, instead of low-frequency rock or rap).

Skill 2: Pay attention to non-verbal cues

When we talk about our concerns, we mostly use non-verbal cues. Non-verbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing. The way you look, how you listen, move, and react to another person tells other people more about your condition than what you say.

Developing your ability to understand and use non-verbal communication can help you communicate with others, express your thoughts clearly, handle challenging situations, and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective by using open body language: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or squat on the edge of your seat, maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.
You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your spoken message - patting a friend on the back, congratulating them on success, for example, or banging your fists to emphasize your message.

Tips to help you better interpret non-verbal communication

Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics. People from different countries and cultures tend to use different non-verbal communication gestures, so it is very important to take into account the person's age, cultural background, religion, gender and emotional state when analyzing body language. An American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, may use non-verbal cues in different ways.

Analyze non-verbal cues comprehensively. Don't look too much for a single gesture or non-verbal cue. Consider all non-verbal cues you receive, from eye contact to communication tone and body movement. Anyone can occasionally make a mistake and avert, for example, their eyes and let the eyes slip contact, for example, or cross their arms briefly without implying anything negative. To better understand a person's true thoughts, analyze their non-verbal signals comprehensively.

Use those non-verbal cues that reflect the essence of your words. Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something different, your listener will probably feel that you are being misled. For example, you cannot say yes while shaking your head in denial.

Adjust your non-verbal cues based on the context and setting of the conversation. Your tone of voice, for example, should be different when addressing a child and when addressing a group of adults. Also, consider the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use your body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't actually feel them. If you’re nervous about a situation — an interview with an employer, an important presentation, or a first date, for example — you can show confidence, even if you don’t actually feel it, by using positive body language. Instead of hesitatingly walking into a room with your head down, looking away and squeezing into a chair, try to straighten your shoulders and stand with your head held high, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and firmly shake the other person's hand. It will make you feel more confident and help relax the other person.

Skill 3: Control yourself

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of and control your emotions. And that means learning how to deal with stress. When you get nervous or unable to cope with emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or intimidating non-verbal signals, and start acting like an unbalanced, mentally ill person.

How many times have you experienced a disagreement with your spouse, children, boss, friends, or coworkers and then said or did something that you later regretted? If you can quickly release the stress and calm yourself down, not only will you not need to regret later, but in many cases, you will help the other person cool off. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state, you will be able to understand whether it is necessary to respond in this situation or it is better to be silent, which is signaled by the behavior of the other person.

In situations such as a job interview, a business presentation, a stressful meeting, or getting to know a loved one with, for example, it is very important to manage your emotions, think on the go, and communicate effectively in a stressful situation. These tips can help:

Stay balanced in stressful situations

Use time-wasting tactics to give yourself one extra minute to think. Before answering, ask the question again or ask for clarification on a statement that is causing you a misunderstanding.
Pause to collect your thoughts. Silence is not a bad thing; pause faster than the urge to respond can make you pull yourself together.

Make one judgment and provide an example or information to support your statement. If your response speech is too long or you are idly chatting about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one judgment with an example, look at the reaction of the listener and evaluate whether it is worth talking about more further.

Be clear and clear. In many cases, the way you speak can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same tone of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language speak of relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, make a short summary and stop. Briefly state the main point of your speech and stop speaking, even if the room is quiet. You don't have to keep talking to fill the silence.

When the discussion gets heated in the middle of the conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. Learning to quickly reduce stress in this moment, even if you know how to cope with any strong emotions you feel, control your feelings and behave intelligently. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and on, even when something is happening that can unbalance, you can stay emotionally prepared and not get lost.

Quick Ways to Relieve Tensions to Continue Effective Communication

To deal with stress during communication, do the following:

Notice when you get nervous.
If you are nervous during communication, your body will let you know about it. Are your muscles or stomach tightening and / or sore? Are your hands locked? Is your breathing shallow? Do you "forget" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing or postponing the conversation.
Seek "help" from your mind and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, contracting and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a soothing, positively emotional picture.
The best way to manage stress quickly and reliably is to listen to your senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. But each person responds differently to the sensations of the senses, so you need to find something that will work soothingly for you.
Look for a drop of humor in the current situation.
When approached correctly, humor is a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or funny story.
Be willing to compromise.
Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and calm all interested parties. If you realize that the subject of the conversation is more important to the other person than to you, it may be easier for you to compromise, while laying a solid foundation for future relationships.
If necessary, stand by your opinion.
Before returning to the situation, take a break so that everyone can calm down. Take a short pause and step away from the situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or resting in a quiet place to restore inner balance can help you quickly relieve stress and calm yourself down.

Skill 4: Be Confident

Openness and self-confidence help build clear rapport, as well as increase self-esteem and make decision-making easier for you. Being confident means openly and honestly expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs, while being able to stand up for yourself and respect others. It does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or picky. Effective communication is about understanding the other person, not winning an argument or imparting your opinion to others.

To increase self-confidence:

Appreciate yourself and your abilities. They are as important as someone else's.
Know your needs and wants. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but you need to show respect for others.
Take positive comments about yourself. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, and ask for help when you need it.
Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others use you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Developing the skill of positive communication

An empathic statement expresses empathy for the other person. Understand the other person's situation or feelings first, and then confidently express your needs or opinions. "I know you've been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us as well."

Growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts have been unsuccessful. Over time, you become more decisive and assertive: your statement can communicate specific consequences in the event that your needs are not met. For example, "If you do not comply with the agreement, I will have to go to court."

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations that will help build your confidence. Or ask friends or family members if they will let you practice assertive techniques on them first.

The basic principles of communication psychology are based on the literary works of researchers of human behavior in society. A number of rules developed by Dale Carnegie back in the 40s are still relevant today.

To competently build proposals and produce good impression on the interlocutor, use psychological techniques:

Be interested. Don't yawn or be smart. Show that you sympathize with the person, show interest in his activities.
Create positive emotions. Don't hide your smile. Scientists have proven that smiling people are more successful.
Call your friend by name. A personal appeal is a verbal compliment, by this you show that the information is intended specifically for the interlocutor.
Be careful. An important quality is the ability not only to hear, but also to listen.
Show respect for your opponent, ask leading questions, be surprised at the facts you hear, and show more emotion.
Find a common theme. Try to win your favor, do not be shy and withdrawn into yourself.
Build friendships with your neighbor and your business partner.
Be sincere. Crowning and flattering is not the best move. Feigned delight will only alienate the interlocutor. Praise the qualities that truly delight you in the person.

Advice! If you find it difficult to communicate with strangers, practice over the phone.

Lack of eye contact will relieve embarrassment. Call your hairdresser or beauty salon.

Prepare for the conversation in advance, make a list of questions if you get confused in the process of communication.

Development of communication skills

Communication psychology is an art. Even a self-contained introvert can become the soul of the company. One has only to know a few "tricks" of building relationships.

Skills	Development
Observation	Notice details, monitor the non-verbal behavior of the interlocutor in order to choose a communication style in which you will come to mutual understanding
Memorization	Remember what your friend is talking about. Pay attention to the personal details of his life, hobbies, to casually mention in a conversation
Erudition	Comprehensive development expands the range of common themes. An erudite person will support any conversation
Understanding	Be empathetic. A person's behavior shows his mood. Exciting emotions can be considered by facial expressions. Support and understanding are the keys to starting a friendship
Fitness	Chat every day. Scientists have proven that regular communication improves performance and productivity. The more you socialize, the easier it is to find a common language with people.

Important! Be natural, don't turn the art of communication into acting.

Non-verbal psychology

No matter how interesting the information is, the owner must correctly present its essence. Who will listen to the muttering whispers of an uncertain speaker? Behavior and ability to behave in society is what will make others listen to you!

"Tongue" of the eyes. Let go of insecurities, boldly look into the eyes of the other person, and show that you are interested in maintaining friendships.
A running glance is a sign of disrespect, indicating that you are bored.
Mimicry. Every emotion is reflected on the face. You can even flirt only out of the corner of your mouth.
Don't talk about sad things with a smile or positive things with pursed lips. Combine the inner state with the outer.
Gesturing. Non-verbal behavior is a whole science. Keep your hands at the level of your abdomen or hips, palms crossed - this is stiffness and distrust of others.
An open pose subconsciously disposes of the interlocutor. Learn to be fluent in non-verbal communication techniques.

Advice! Exercise in front of a mirror daily. Read poetry, give a speech, or imagine yourself as a teacher.

This kind of training will help you overcome reticence and feel comfortable talking to people.

Exercises for free and easy communication with strangers

Contact a psychologist for help if your close social circle does not replenish. But there is a way to overcome shyness at home.

A small training is the beginning of work on yourself:

Monologue aloud. Sit back more comfortably and grab your favorite children's toy or book. Turn on your imagination and imagine that the object in your hands is your listener.
This kind of training is not as easy as it sounds. Talk about yourself, about your activities, speak beautifully, in coherent sentences.
This exercise will help structure the train of thoughts in your head and express them correctly out loud.
Dialogue with a stranger. Talk outside. Ask a passerby how to get to the library, check with the seller about the quality of the goods, ask for advice.
Meet someone at a cafe or movie. This kind of training will relieve the fear of taking the first step.
Remember the details. After a dialogue with a stranger, remember what he was wearing, what color his eyes, hair, what the interlocutor said.
Develop long-term memory, recall the person's face, style and voice. Exercise trains mindfulness.
Praise. Compliment, every person has dignity. Find them and admire them out loud. But be honest, remember that falsehood is easy to recognize.

Advice! Watch your speech. Speak clearly and clearly, without stuttering or stuttering.

Top books and literature

Are you interested? Find out the details from the book. Researchers of human behavior have published many works on psychology.

Check out the best literature to help you master your communication skills:

Eric Byrne "Games People Play".
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Larry King "How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anytime."
Sigmund Freud "Psychology of the Masses and Analysis of the Human Self".
Karen Pryor "Don't growl at the dog."

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